Monday, March 07, 2005


Tonight I find myself listening to the rain and thinking of the past. A movie wraps itself up in conclusions about the inconclusiveness of time and combines with the rain to remind me of a night so very very many years ago. Two, maybe even three, lifetimes ago, when I was young and more shiny and less familiar with my 'me' and therefore more fragile.

I danced in the warm summer's rain in a drainage ditch with a friend from high school. We sang an old pop song in two part harmony as I led, so very badly, and the water sluiced along entangling our feet. To this day, almost a decade and a half later, I have yet to experience another night with such potential, a rain with such warmth. That night I felt boundless promise and hope-hope for life, for love, for the general human condition.

Tonight, as I listen to the rain, knowing it would disappoint me with its chill, I feel that way again. Because tonight I have had a peculiarly special conversation with Mickey, my grandmama. A conversation about honest things, human things, frail and fragile things. It is seeing these things, facing and embracing them, with people whom I love so very very much that reminds me how blessed we are indeed. To have each other to muddle through with, to have the wisdom and strength to recognize muddling for the great art it is.

So tonight I am grateful. For the warm summer's rain so many moons ago and for the chill rain with love held close this moon. Wrap yourself up in it as I do and let the water sluice between your toes. The rest will take care of itself.

With joy and love,

Miss Jackie Chris


Blogger Emma Rushton said...

Dear Jacqui, after reading your post on Pam's ordeal the night before her surgery, what remains with me is her cry "I'm only a musician!".
You probably don't need to hear this again, but I seem to need to say it:
Your mother is "only" an outstanding, inspiring, loving, big-hearted bringer-together of people, in the service of music. She turns US all into musicians.
It makes me wonder what is wrong with us, with our society, when anyone, let alone Pam, can say "only a musician". Only a provider of delight. Only an interpreter of one of the world's greatest arts. Only a medium of expression of humanity's joy and suffering. Pam is all of those.
OK, I feel better now I've got that off my chest!
Emma (VCC)

7:49 AM  
Blogger steinie said...

Miss Jacqui,
I want to send you things to make this time better for you. I have new music to send you. To what address? I love you.

11:51 AM  
Blogger Moe Whittemore said...

Hey, Jacqui....
Thanx for your behemoth efforts in keeping us updated on your Mom's progress....
How did the surgery go? (I'm assuming it was her ankle thing...)
God! This sounds so familiar to Betty's situation - (first the head, then the knee.....).
Sounds like Pam's gradually getting back to where she belongs...
Take care,

5:00 PM  

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