Monday, August 29, 2005

A winsome lass

winsome lass
Originally uploaded by jacquichris.
Better days are obviously here again. Here I post my favorite picture from the trip to Florida. More pictures can be found here and a little update on the general condition in Oklaloosa Island pre-Katrina is available here.

Also, in other news, Mom is featured in the Vanderbilt Register here. Enjoy!

Monday, August 01, 2005

Grateful for the Many Good Things!

Lest you think all I do is whine, I am incredibly grateful for SO many good things!

I'm so grateful for the wonderful family and friends who support me so kindly and more wonderfully than I could ever imagine. They give so much time and energy and understanding and I am so grateful.

I'm so grateful for life itself. What a miracle it is to awaken in the morning and savor the well-being and comfort of feeling ok and being in my own, comfy bed! To feel "normal", even for just a while, as I DO now each morning is a great, great joy - and the feeling of "okay-ness" lasts longer each passing week.

I'm so grateful for increasing strength and stamina. I did 50 yards of JOGGING (under supervision - honest!) and it was wonderful fun. I was both laughing and crying for joy at the same time! I have promised Dr. K that I will stick with the bike, elliptical and pool, however...don't want to wreck all his hard work on the ankle!

I'm so grateful that my workmates have adapted so many things to help me and make things easier. Vanderbilt has been wonderful and I am blessed to have such great colleagues.

I'm so grateful to be able to exercise again! Working out at the rec center is such a joy and blessing. Lifting those weights, doing the elliptical, riding the bike - they all give such a feeling of normalcy and goodness and I'm so grateful. In the fall when school starts, I know I won't be able to do as much as I do now, but I hope to have gained the strength to keep up with the demands of work effectively. I will still be working out, but I know I'll have to scale it back for a while and get my work stamina up to snuff.

It's only about 3 weeks now till the students return and SCHOOL STARTS - keep your fingers crossed that I'll be ready!!!

Recovery - A Process Not An Instant Cure

Thank you again, dear readers, for your interest and your patience and your kindness!

At times, it still seems like the accident was a bad dream, as if my life was stolen away without my knowledge, and I want to escape back into my "real" life and re-capture the lost time. Since I have progressed so far, I am more aware of what has happened the last few months and I am still awed by the kindness of you all. I alternate between wanting to keep the memories of the latter part of March and the next couple of months vivid so I can appreciate everyone and everything AND wanting to run away from it as far and fast as possible.

I sometimes wonder if the fact that I don't remember the first 6 weeks after the accident is a mixed blessing. I know I was hit by a van while running in LA, etc., but as far as my emotions are concerned, it seems as though I was fine one minute and the next thing I knew, I was in Stallworth and horribly "broken". And yet, I know it is a blessing that I don't remember those 6 weeks as they were so painful and difficult. I have to keep reminding myself that the accident was THEN and things will get better and that NOW is going to stay good.

I have come so far and yet at times - like when I'm in a doctor's office or confronted with a thorny problem, the terror strikes and I think "I can't do it - it's all too much". To be sure, parts of my anatomy still need improvement - pray that improvement continues!! Seems like my physical stamina in so nmany ways has gotten stronger, but my mental stamina can't always keep up and my emotions are too easily upset. Being one who always liked to be on top of things and avoid showing weakness, my easy tears and frustration are most disconcerting. I know it has only been six months of a projected year or more of recovery and shouldn't be surprised that there are problems and lapses, but I get walloped by the fatigue and terror just the same. WARNING - please have patience with me - a lot of times I seem to be just fine - back to normal - and that's exactly the impression I try to give - but WHACK - sometimes the wallop comes and I'm at a loss. Please forgive me. I try and do as much as I can to get well and get stronger, but I have a tendency to overstep my abilities and I would hate to let you down.

I've often wished there was a manual for recovery, but everyone is unique and so this road is only mine to walk. By the way, I've gathered the greatest strength, hope and support from the courageous saga of Lance Armstrong. His two books, especially "It's Not about the Bike," gave me encouragement and hope for months! I avidly watched and cheered him on throughout the Tour de France once again and celebrated his remarkable 7th win with cheers and tears. I knew HE wanted the win, but to me, he was already the most incredible winner and inspiration that win or lose - he would still be a winner to me. My dream is still to get an autographed picture from him, cause I think he really DID help save my life!

YOUR support helped save me too! THANK YOU!!