Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Adjusting, Growing and Resiliance

Thank you all, kind friends, for all your support and help! I so appreciate you all!

Adjusting - Things at Chez Schneller continue to improve, little by little. I miss Jacqui terribly now that she has returned to Colorado, but it was time for her to return to her own life and tend to all those sick little dogs and cats. I never would have made it without her and the house is lonelier without her, but I am so happy that she has been able to get back to her calling. She is such a gifted vet and her students benefit enormously from both her kind teaching and outstanding example!

Growing - I am thrilled to report good medical news! I have been released by the neurologist. My brain continues to recover and I can drive now! I don't feel that my short-term memory is 100%, but I have yet to forget anything "important" and Roland says I'm as good as new (he's biased!) To be safe, I write more things down than before, but I've been told that I still remember more than most people and after all, I'm over 50 - ha ha...

The walker is history! I am now using a cane - a dapper dark blue one with a wood-like handle. Physical therapy on my still larger-than-life ankle will continue for some time as I work to strengthen both the ankle and rejuvenate the muscle tone in the leg.

My stamina is improving and I can work for a good half day or so at a time. Between work, physical therapy and 5 days a week at the rec center biking and lifting some weights, my days are full.

Adjusting - So much is good and I'm so grateful, yet a certain sadness descended upon me last week. In spite of so many improvements, I became keenly aware of those medical conditions that are still in transition and felt lonely as well. Some things - like walking at a reasonable pace, getting rid of all the packing in my ear, etc, take their own sweet time to heal. Because I am so much better, I also found myself finally able to mourn the accident, the lost time and opportunity, the hardship on so many. I worred about being physically ready for the fall schedule. I found myself resentful that the doctors said it would take a year for full recovery - whatever that means - and sad and full of self-pity-which filled me with anger at myself, because I am SO lucky and SO blessed.

And then, thankfully, the fog began to lift.

Reading my Rodney Yee autographed book on hope and meditation helped, as did some increasing physical stamina and strength. Confronting and challenging my negative thoughts was - and is - both necessary and therapeutic.

Resiliance - From time to time, I've been called "Pollyanna" because I am naturally blessed with a hopeful attitude and a belief that things will get better. I am so grateful for that gift of a positive attitude - and I know it is a gift and a real blessing.

Yeah, it will take a year for "full" recovery and some things - like my ankle - will never be the same. That old life is gone, but my new life can be just as wonderful and in some ways, better. I hope I am a more caring and compassionate person. I hope this experience will make me a better teacher and mentor to young people. Every breath is a gift and every day an opportunity and adventure. My job is to work hard at recovery, to be open to new learnings and adventures and to accept all things that life brings. My job is to be patient with my brain and body and challenge negative thoughts when they arise.

I AM resiliant and I will prevail - and you've helped. Thank you again - may you face and conquer your demons too! Much love, Pam

I miss you all, and hope to see or hear from you again real soon.


Blogger Dave & Nancy Estes Park said...

Hi Pam and Roland,
Good to hear you are still progressing so well. I bet it feels good to be back at work. We are going to see Jacqui tommorrow and we are very excited. It will be so good to see her again and get caught up and give her all the hugs we have been sending into cyberspace. We'll give her one for you too.
take care of yourself and don't be too hard on yourself you'll be 100% long before the Dr. think so.
Dave and Nancy

3:16 PM  
Blogger Lee Levine said...

Pam, you are such an amazing person! Your honesty about your recovery is a blessing to us. I hope this Independence Day brings you a special sense of freedom.
With love,

5:47 PM  
Blogger Dave & Nancy Estes Park said...

Hi Pam,
We just returned from Jacqui's What fun! We laughed, we cried, we talked and most of all we got to give her all the hugs we saved up! So good to see her. She is a survivor - I guess she gets that from her mom. Thanks again for our Dr. Jacqui!
Dave and Nancy

4:21 PM  
Blogger AandH said...

You sound like you are doing wonderfully Pam. We think of you often.
Love, Audra

11:37 AM  

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