Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Journal

Tonight I do not have the energy to tell you all all about the air evacuation unit. I will do that in the morning. But I did want to share with you my last journal entry. It was written on January 29th- a lifetime ago in so many ways. Yet it seems like perhaps I was guided to write it in preparation for this odyssey...

'Some days, some progress, some pain, some joy, some bravery and some strain.
Some things I can do, some things I can be, and some things just have to be let go.'

That is the entire entry. I had forgotten I wrote it. Today I stumbled on it as I was getting something I had tucked in my journal for safekeeping. [This blog has currently surplanted it for writing.] Somehow it spoke to me of all the things we currently struggle with- our helplessness in the face of her distress and confusion, our pain and bewilderment, our excitement with the little steps she makes on the path back to us.

The first line speaks to me of the difficulty of living a deliberate life. The second to the importance of letting go of ego and limits and leaving faith in God to care for the rest. I hope this brings you comfort as it did for me.

Your friend-

jacqui

5 Comments:

Blogger Kristin L said...

Hello to Pam, Roland, Jacqui, and all: I send major positive vibes to you all every day from Memphis. I also happened to send a package today (Tues), BEFORE I read a recent post about not sending things. I'm sorry - I hope this won't be a problem. Be on the lookout for a package from Kristin Lensch, priority mail, so by Thurs. or Fri?

I pray daily for you all, for strength, energy, hope, and Better Days. Pam truly is extraordinary, as Roland said, in that within this teeny-framed person, there is this huge heart and passion. And it's all multiplied as she constantly gives and gives to people. She really looked out for me for the year that I picked up and moved to Nashville to become organist at First Pres; and it's obvious that she's done this for many. Keep the faith, and keep fighting!
much love,
Kristin Lensch

9:26 PM  
Blogger Jan said...

Dear Jacqui and Team S: Every step forward keeps us energized in Nashville. I hope you continue to find an infinite source of energy for yourselves.

Does the ban from the biohazard folks include CD's? Give us a heads-up about what, if anything, is okay to send. I am Queen of Procrastinators and have not located the specific CD I want to send. The fact that you are talking about transporting her to Nashville is incredible.

Tonight's rehearsal went well. David Childs is being very gentle with us,and he certainly has our confidence. We want to do our best for Pam. Roland, I missed your basso profundo behind me, but you're still excused!

Stay strong and focused. The communication board is an excellent idea. Pam must be screaming inside to tell everyone what she is thinking...and you know she is thinking. What a challenge for our Little Miss Firecracker. Love...Jan

11:00 PM  
Blogger Angie Antkowiak said...

Good morning, Jacqui and Team Schneller! I hope this post finds you rested and well. I check this log several times a day and am grateful for your continued dedication to communicating with all of Pam's fans regarding her situation. I'm even more excited about her progress, about entertaining the idea of moving her back to Nashville, and I'm especially excited that the VCC will continue to practice (under the wonderful direction of David Childs) with the end goal being a whiz-bang of a concert for Pam! It would be great if both her and Roland could be here for that and we continue to pray for positive results!

Kelly hugged me tonight at practice and told me how much everyone enjoys all the posts to this site, and she also told us what a fierce advocate you are of your mom...I just want to tell you how VERY grateful we are that you are there fighting for her! Because you and Roland continue to set an example of incredible courage and strength, it is no wonder that Pam is courageously and continuously making progress. I hope in the near future to get a chance to meet you and thank you in person!

Lastly, after reading Anne Gregory's story about how Pam helped to set her up with Ben, I was just wondering if you might ask her sometime if she could do the same for me?? I realize the "really good tenor" has been taken, but perhaps I could get permission to move from the very back row and be seated next to a "really good bass or baritone"...I'm not picky... :-) *giggles*

Laughs, smiles, and hugs to all of you! Tell Pam and Roland we miss singing with them!!
Angie

8:17 AM  
Blogger Angie Antkowiak said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

8:26 AM  
Blogger Angie Antkowiak said...

P.S.
I have a calendar that has a different poem every day and I came across this one that I had decided to keep...ironically the date was February 9th and it made me think of Pam:

Sonnet
by Elizabeth Bishop

I am in need of music that would flow
Over my fretful, feeling finger-tips,
Over my bitter-tainted, trembling lips,
With melody, deep, clear, and liquid-slow.
Oh for the healing swaying, old and low,
Of some song sung to rest the tired dead,
A song to fall like water on my head,
And over quivering limbs, dream flushed to glow!

There is a magic made by melody:
A spell of rest, and quiet breath, and cool
Heart, that sinks through fading colors deep
To the subaqueous stillness of the sea,
And floats forever in a moon-green pool,
Held in the arms of rhythm and of sleep.

Love to you all,
Angie

8:31 AM  

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