Tired but grateful we are together
Tonight we are tired. After a late afternoon visit, we were herded off so that Mom could get her CT. At that visit, she was such a delight and we are so very proud of her. She opened her eyes for me and squeezed my hand. And then she opened her eyes again for Roland and cried a little (tears not sobs). We comforted her for the pain and fear and reminded her how much she is loved and how many people are praying for her. We also received the good news that her chest tube had been pulled.
When we went back after dinner and their rounds, she seemed a little worse off. She was much less rousable (almost an oxymoron given her limited interaction so far-three eye openings and two squeezes). In addition, her heart rate and temp were both up. But we sang to her and put on a CD that Kelly brought of the VCC Christmas concert. That seemed to soothe her a bit.
It was a hard visit for all of us. We were reminded as ever that medicine and healing are non-linear processes with jolts forward and then arcing curves back. We also recognized how much harder it is to see her the first visit after a forward step because you hope unfairly for so much more. It also is hard as every few visit you are again surprised to find it is all still real, not a terribly vivid and excruciating nightmare from which one will awake.
But that is the nature of the process. A roller coaster of ups and downs. If I were my client, it is about the time that I would start writing prescriptions for ice cream and girl movies. And, as I know that, so too I know that this is the way of things, that this is not darker or grimmer or more sinister than other battles. It is simply my own, our own. So we will rest tonight and begin again anew on the morrow.
With love and reflection-
jacqui
When we went back after dinner and their rounds, she seemed a little worse off. She was much less rousable (almost an oxymoron given her limited interaction so far-three eye openings and two squeezes). In addition, her heart rate and temp were both up. But we sang to her and put on a CD that Kelly brought of the VCC Christmas concert. That seemed to soothe her a bit.
It was a hard visit for all of us. We were reminded as ever that medicine and healing are non-linear processes with jolts forward and then arcing curves back. We also recognized how much harder it is to see her the first visit after a forward step because you hope unfairly for so much more. It also is hard as every few visit you are again surprised to find it is all still real, not a terribly vivid and excruciating nightmare from which one will awake.
But that is the nature of the process. A roller coaster of ups and downs. If I were my client, it is about the time that I would start writing prescriptions for ice cream and girl movies. And, as I know that, so too I know that this is the way of things, that this is not darker or grimmer or more sinister than other battles. It is simply my own, our own. So we will rest tonight and begin again anew on the morrow.
With love and reflection-
jacqui
posted by Jacqui at 11:06 PM
1 Comments:
Jacqui,
Another short note from a VUCC alum to let you know my thoughts and prayers are with Pam and Roland and your family. Pam is one of the most wonderful people I've ever met, and her influence on my musical and personal growth is incalculable. I'm very heartened by the good news so far, and I am certain that Pam's full recovery is only a matter of time.
If I may ask a question: is the address to send items to Pam still the same as it was when you posted it a couple of days ago?
- Zhubin Parang
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