Thursday, February 24, 2005

Forbidden planet

Things definitely are moving at a different pace since we relocated to Stallworth!

Yesterday, after my last post, Mom had another session with OT and ended up standing for a very short period of time (see picture below). This was quite impressive when you think that Mom wasn't even sitting up two days before. She had indeed gotten her trach changed out to a 4mm and it was possible, when concenrtating very carefully, to hear Mom a little when she talked. Heartbreakingly, what she was saying was that she was stupid and she was afraid she wasn't making sense. sigh. How very terrible this must be for her.

The speech therapist came back in in the evening to reevaluate Mom for food and try her again with the Passy-Muir. Mom was quite obstreperous and refused to comply with Amanda's requests. I felt a little sorry for her but suspect that she is used to dealing with patients in this state. Mom did tolerate the Passy-Muir quite well and was cleared to wear it all day. This development also led to us being able to actually hear more of what Mom was saying and, yes, she is correct-she is not making sense all the time. Not that that is unexpected or believed to be permanent. It does correlate well with one of the criteria for a Rancho 5:

'Verbalizations about present events become inappropriate and confabulatory when external structure and cues are not provided.'

Or to view from a different angle, the strange and sinister creatures of the Id are roaming free in Mom's waking mind right now.

Last night, Mom was apparently indulging the Good Fellas part of her personality. Statements like: 'So, the situation is that we need to decide what expensive gift to give her (Amanda) to take care of this.' or 'So, regarding the David Childs matter, what would really help, I think, is a little (finger-rubbing to indicate illicit exchange of monies)' or (my personal favorite so far) 'So what you need to do to find out what they are trying to charge us for this (her hospitalization) and then we just walk away.'

Walk away???


Not that I blame her. She is tired and rearranging her house (brain) after a hurricane ripped through it. I quote her, 'The last two days, they have been very hard. I think. Do you agree?' And yes, I agree. Hang tough Mom. You are a ROK STAR!


Blogger Angie Antkowiak said...

It is heart-wrenching to see such a strong, vibrant woman wrestling with her fears. No doubt the frenetic pace of her rehabilitation seems overwhelming to her...and when I read her comment that she feels scared and stupid, all I could do was cry out:

You are a beautiful child of God! Hold our hands, cry if you must, but keep on trying! We know you will succeed!

We love you Pam, and we love the WHOLE Schneller Team!

Keep the faith,

6:50 PM  
Blogger Angie Antkowiak said...

P.S. I love the prose of your posts, Jacqui...but honestly...what does "obstreperous" mean?? :-)

6:52 PM  
Blogger rostitchery said...

jacqui, i had a dream about pam last night, please tell it to her:

pam, in my dream i was standing on ingram stage, there was a piano down left, and the light was just on it and nothing else. then from behind me, you came strolling on, beautiful and strong and singing the most beautiful song. then you rested your arm on the piano, three other women joined you on stage, and together the three of you sang and sang and sang, any song you wanted to sing, and they were all beautiful. and i could hear your voice above them all, and ella clapped and waved at you as you passed by.

we pray for you each morning and night. we know one day our dream will come true and when it does, i will cry tears of joy for you and for roland and for jacqui and for all your family. and for us all who love you so much. with much love, rowena, rudi, ella.

8:30 PM  
Blogger Jan said...

Dear Jacqui and Team S: Oh, my aching heart! Angie said it all, and we must all keep trying along with dear Pam to take the baby steps until they become the confident strides we all remember as Pam would take the stage!

So, Fido's is really Jones' Pet Shop!! I should have guessed. Since I am old as dirt, my memories of Hillsboro Village are somewhat different from the present, all testimony to our knowledge that while things do change, much remains the same...which is what we must continue to believe regarding Pam's recovery. Just so you know, there once was a Woolworth's where I bought my first Beatles' album(the vinyl kind) and a McClure's...and Tucker's Photography where I had my engagement picture made...and Mills' Bookstore where that wonderful aroma of new books would greet us at the door...but the Barber Shop is still there, and Jones' sign, and First American aka AmSouth, and of course the Pancake Pantry where love blossomed over warm pancakes...and that is what makes me believe that Pam's new challenge of juggling memory with this new and strange reality will settle down with time, and love, and the devoted care of Team Schneller and the medical staff, and of course the prayerful energy form all of us. Jan N.

10:03 PM  
Blogger Emma Rushton said...

Hi Jacqui, could it be that Pam's confusion comes from her meds as much as the head injury? My grandmother was very confused for a couple of days after a leg operation (wish I could remember more of the weird things she said). A few days later she was back to normal. The doctor said it was her pain medication or sedatives that were doing it.
I thought of Pam as I walked past the Stallworth last night, and wondered if she was behind any of those windows. As always, my love and hopeful thoughts go out to you and Pam and Roland.

9:58 AM  
Blogger Emma Rushton said...

Angie, obstreperous is what my 3 year old daughter is when I'm trying to get her to dress herself in the morning - stubborn, unco-operative, downright naughty! Invalids are also allowed to be obstreperous once in a while.

10:02 AM  

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